Growing up I rode my bike everywhere. The two rules were, "don’t go into anyone’s house" and "be back before dark". I had multiple friends, a school playground, and a park within a mile of my house. If I did anything wrong, my father knew about it before I got home. There were kids everywhere, we would run from yard to yard, jumping over hedges and playing in each other’s yards.
But something happened. Cable, Atari, Nintendo, one by one the kids started disappearing and the grass grew back on the paths between houses. Is it that parents live in fear of giving their children independence to run from house to house due to predators? Or perhaps children are busy, constantly being shuttled from one activity to the next. I look around and see backyards hidden with privacy fences, preventing us from communicating with each other. Neighborhoods built without parks and houses built without porches.
When I discuss the community I grew up in it seems like ages ago. But it wasn’t, I am only 35! I know my experience was a direct product of choices my parents made. We didn’t have cable, and we had rules about TV and phone time. We knew our neighbors because my parents were active. They volunteered at the school, participated in neighborhood associations, and looked after the older people in our neighborhood. I remember my father producing a neighborhood newsletter and having a giant block party. We had family gatherings with neighborhood kids often joining in. Everybody knew my parents, and my parents knew them.
Is a community a project? Yes! I have been working on this project for some time. I am building my personal community. At first it was just what I did because it was how I was raised. Now I do it because I realize it takes an effort, and I want my girls to have community.
How do I do it? I volunteer, and I smile. When I give my time it’s not about raising money or providing a service, it's about being part of a community. It starts by just saying yes, showing up and smiling. It may not be doing your favorite thing, or something that you’re an expert at, it just means showing up and lending a hand. It will start with people recognizing you, then they will remember your name after you have been involved with multiple things they will start recognizing what you are good at and asking you to do things that you will be really excited about. Over time, you will notice that they know your husband’s name, and your children too, and voilà, community!
Our biggest family community project is our church parish. This will also be the school my children attend. Because we have spent the last nine years growing our community there, when we attend mass each Sunday my children are greeted with smiles and called by name. We have made great friends, young and old. Now that smile that was once a choice is now constant and natural. It is hard not to smile when you are greeted each week by people you have come to know as friends. It is so much fun to go to events where we once knew hardly anyone. Now we know most everyone! The rewards extend greater than friendly greetings. Because of the time that I've given, my children will have a lifetime of memories.
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